“There were times I felt so anxious, almost like I was crawling out of my skin-that if I didn’t do something physical to match the way I felt inside, I would explode.”-Demi Lovato (August 2012 issue of Self Magazine)
We live in a society where the perfect beauty, body, marriage and “having it all” mentality is secretly killing our girls. With the help of the media, magazine covers and pop-culture women and young girls have been conditioned to present the perfect picture. From immaculately coifed hairstyles, the newest trend of extensions, filtered and edited selfies, to celebrities and moms posting pictures in their favorite “waist-training” brand; girls and young women are overtly and subliminally trained to wear a mask and erase their imperfections. This hiding of their own truth and flaws has repercussions. Well the truth of the matter is that there is a growing sub-culture of young girls and women who are cutting themselves, and the age that cutting begins is getting younger.
Studies show that people who are: perfectionists, have a hard time expressing themselves, are emotionally sensitive, as well as overachievers are more prone to cutting and self-harm. Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.d and author of the book Girls on Edge states “These pretty girls are searching for a sense of self that’s not about how they look, but about who they are. We reward them for how they look but we—i.e. American society are much less interested in what’s going on inside. Self cutting fills the need for some of these girls.”
People see behavior as a problem, but it’s a symptom. A way to relive and relieve the inner, unaddressed pain and root within. While cutting is a symptom of something much deeper, it’s never anyone one’s place to shame someone who may be actively self-harming or who have cut themselves in the past.
This is for the pretty girls who cry in secret and cut themselves.
1. Being perfect and “Having It All” is overrated. When there are expectations and perceptions of being perfect—pressure forms, and for some, cutting can be a release. But there is beauty in embracing imperfection, because imperfection gives the opportunity to dig deeper within yourself and develop more character. Struggles, flaws and mistakes are designed to strengthen, not weaken. So don’t feel the need to hide your weaknesses.
2. Find someone that will listen to you who does not have a judgmental ear. Sometimes the greatest release comes when you allow yourself to be vulnerable to a wise listener who will gently guide you back to a place of strength. Suffering alone in silence is dangerous, because feelings of alienation can invite more mental and emotional oppression into your life. Listening with your whole heart is one of the greatest gifts that anyone can give to someone who is hiding within themselves or in pain.
3. Know your triggers. Seek to identity the the people, patterns and activities that set you off. Whether it is a memory in the recent or distant past, job loss or even a relationship; know the weak zones that push you in the space to want to cut yourself or create bodily harm.
4. Re-image your body. Begin to see your body as sacred, special and uniquely designed just for you. Create a morning ritual that allows you to make self-love a part of your daily routine. Whether it is speaking positive affirmations over your body or having a good old-fashioned conversation with a mature female friend. Carve out a special love session just for you. Handle yourself with care.
5. Forgive. Forgive yourself and others for any past actions that may have been committed against you. Being resentful, bitter and unforgiving only hold you captive to the very things that you want to break free from.
6. Reject Denial. Don’t deny what you are feeling or experiencing, because denial will block your ability to release the pain. When you deny something, you can’t begin the healing process. Confession is the first step towards a shift in thinking.
To all the pretty girls and young women who cut themselves, or who has any form of self-harming behavior (sexual promiscuity, binge eating, etc.) just know that you are enough. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to get it right all the time. You don’t have to suffer in silence. Reach out to someone who will love you unconditionally. Cutting will never truly soothe the pain, but being honest with yourself, transparent with others who care and slowing allowing yourself to let go will help you towards being free to love yourself without limits.
http://selfinjury.com/
Hotline: 800-366-8288 or 888-296-7988
info@selfinjury.com
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